To Joshua

I hate cleaning my desk or my shelves because I'll always find something that somehow manage to take me down a trip memory lane. Be it painful or not. Sometimes trips like these... are uncalled for. Or that deluded mini me refuse to go back in time and watch how I used to hurt people without batting my lashes.

I found a dusty folder with a couple of torn out pages from a note book written by a long lost friend. People call them love letters. It was couple years back during my angsty and super hiao teenage years, I met Joshua.

Joshua's the kind of buddy who's always around. He's the kinda guy to tell you nice things but mean to you sometimes. He's not the best looking bloke but he's so smart you wish all your dates were half like him. Joshua was a great friend.

That year I had plans to leave for Australia to further my studies, so he brought me for dinner and gave me this note book as a farewell gift. Sure enough, there after we never meet again. I lost him as a friend too due to my lack of sensitivity. Pure idiocy, I say. I still remember the last thing he ever said to me was - "Have a nice life."

Anyway, it was a scrap book, some sort. With badly printed pictures of us and funny scribbles.. That 'bad girl' I used to be actually was so loved by someone.

Here's what the final note read:

Dear April,
As I already told you in my blog, the book is meant for you to write down all the things you love about yourself. You are so beautiful to me. Your feistiness, the way you feel strongly about family, your insecurities and your strength. Everything that you are is perfect to me. I hope that as you embark upon the journey in Australia, you will learn to discover everything that I told you about you. I wish you could see yourself though my eyes. But I guess it always takes time. Oh yeah on another note, don't forget to remember me.

He also wrote a couple of poems to/about me, here's my favourite, titled "Angel":

To break my heart and the serene sky,
To cause the rainfalls from on high.
To kill the songs of the birds,
All you have to do is cry.

Walk upon the empty road,
Destination still unknown.
You are my guide through all the world,
My love, my destiny.

If I could have you now as mine,
Pain and hell I shall deny.
Yet broken bits of memory lay,
So much flowers we have to slay.

Thus let us go into the night,
of endless darkness, of little sight.
And perhaps blinds us now forever,
So we cannot see that we can never.

For you, the stars will die.
Joshua.

To Joshua, thank you for believing in me and that convinced me that I could be someone's perfection. We may not be friends anymore and though memories of our friendship are tugged away at the back of my mind, I wish you well. I hope you're somewhere doing great with your life and met someone who deserves your love.

Thank you for your love.

April